The Life and Lies of...

I don’t say ‘banana pudding’…I say ‘nanner puddin’.

I cry easily. Movies, tv shows, and only slightly sad situations just really get to me. This is actually a fairly recent development because in high school I rarely ever cried but now every sob story or romantic plot line leaves me in tears.

I can only drink milk if I’m eating something chocolaty or if it’s in cereal, otherwise it makes me gag. Vanilla almond milk is a whole different story though; that shit is good.

When I was younger my favorite movie was Hocus Pocus. When my mom let my brother and I name a cat that we found and decided to keep, I wanted to name him Binx but my brother wanted to name him Tigger (Binx is so much better) so my mom made us name him Tigger-Binx. I loved that cat.

I’ve had two careers that I wanted to pursue in the past but both of them have been ruined because of my fears. The first was a marine biologist but I’m severely afraid of being in deep water. I say severely because I even get freaked out when I’m on Google maps and it starts zooming in really quickly and looks like it’s getting closer and closer to the ocean. I’m not sure why I have this extreme fear…Freud would say something I’m repressing in my subconscious is to blame. I may never know.

The second is an anesthesiologist. I used to want to be one so bad until I discovered my fear of needles and veins. When my dad had back surgery a few years ago, I went to visit him in the hospital and when I saw him all hooked up to the machines and IVs and things, I almost passed out. I had to sit down and put my head between my knees. I can’t even look at my wrists because of the veins and when a guy has veins popping out of his arms and such, I get grossed out not turned on.

Although I think I would have been happier in one of these two careers if it weren’t for my fears, I’ve come to terms with them.

If I could pull off being a roller derby girl covered in tattoos, I would definitely do it. But I can’t pull it off…so I’ll just go into the business world instead.

I have a sort of obsession with pinup photography…and the whole pinup era. Those girls are so beautiful, if I could look like them then I think I would be happy.

I’m not a Freudian but I do think that Freud had some good points with his theories. Sure some of them are a little far-fetched but a lot of his basic ideas have good merit. There’s my boring psychology fact of the day.

When I’m bored or just being weird, I pull my hair together under my chin and pretend I have a beard.

Kind of like this:

Then I shout, “Look! I have a beard!” at whoever is around. I’m one weird motherfucker.

When I was in high school I went to a Tea Party rally…please don’t judge me. I was young and stupid.

The fact that I can’t stand almost everything the Tea Partiers choose to be now is ironic. Here, have a picture:

Not my proudest moment. Also, I look so different now! Lordy lordy!

I’ve never listened to a Death Cab for Cutie song in my life.

This summer I won a trivia competition at a restaurant by 1 point because I knew Snooki’s full name. Am I proud? Not really. Did I enjoy my free pizza? Absolutely.

Some of you may already know this but in case you don’t, I’m a world class burper. Seriously, my brother and his friends always tell me that I could give almost any guy a run for his money in a burping competition. That being said, I don’t burp in from of guys I’m attracted to. Not even my ex. It’s just not cute haha.